being less emo...

There was this one thing that SQ said the other day that got me thinking. As we all know he was in Japan for a week, and after he came back, he said that all the blog entries of the blogs that he was following were all so emo...

Well, it's an outlet. So Maybe that's why it's all abit more emo. I've also been thinking if I should paint this awesome happy picture that might not be all that accurate. Maybe accurate is better than happy happy picture. I'm still deciding...

Anyway, on an emo note... I need a freaking break. A break from everything. ESPecially, BB. Too much is an understatement. And I think I'm no longer being as productive as I can be.

Sigh. A sign of the times perhaps.

tradition?

They were showing this on TVMobile while I was on the way to church this morning. It was one of those travel shows and this episode was on Spain. So they were doing this 5 things you've got to see while in Spain kind of thing and one of the thing that they were encouraging tourists to see was bull fighting. They showed an entire bull fight and then they interviewed a couple of people after to get their reactions.

The first thing that I noticed was the relative emptiness of the stadium. And the second thing that I noticed was that most of the spectators seemed to be watching for the first time. Most of them tourists no doubt. But one thing one of the interviewees said was this: Some people might think that this is cruel, but you've got to know it's part of their tradition.

So does being it mean then that tradition is a good excuse for cruelty? Well, I don't see anyone still sacrificing virgin girls trying to appease whatever gods there are out there. So why have we come to accept that cock fighting is bad will bull fighting is still acceptable? It seems just as bad but still as acceptable? Perhaps it's an leg thing. 2 legs good, 4 legs nevermind? Both sports result in the death of an animal. Just because in one sport, the killer is an animal that can think doesn't mean that the losing animal dies with any less pain.

I'm not asking the world to turn vegan. I'm asking the world to say no to trivialising lives. Even if the bulls are used to feed homeless orphaned children, there are more civil ways to kill a cow.

the night i nearly died...

Please hold all judgment till the end.

On Tuesday, I went home not feeling too well. When I reached home, I had diarrhea and started to vomit. So, Mother forced me to see a doctor that night. All notion of food caused me to want to retch. Imagine I couldn't sit in front of the television showing food when I was waiting for my mother. All the more I couldn't take the smell of the Pasar Malam in front of the clinic. After the doctor, I went home, slept awhile, not well though. Had problems breathing. Had to send an email to settle some school stuff, so I think I did this at about 12ish. My labored breathing woke up my brother, and that's when the hospital part started. In the ambulance, the paramedic told me I might have punctured my lung from excessive stress from vomiting. So I reached the hospital with this feeling that I don't need anyone opening me up, I'll live with the hole in my lung. They took an x-ray and told me I was fine, but they couldn't find out why I had shortness of breath. After they found out there was nothing life threatening, they tried to get me to slow down my breathing. My fingers were so numb. My fingers are still kinda numb right now. SO I was pumped with 4 bags of fluids and multiple injections. I went in and out of consciousness, or maybe I fell asleep, I don't really recall too much about that happened. It didn't really feel like I had spent 5 hours in A&E.

There was some karma somewhere in all that. Some of you will know that I used to be a medic. As all medics go, there is a initial "don't cao keng (don't act sick)" feeling. So I got that feeling from the nurses that night. Haha.

Never really imagined that I need to go to hospital in an ambulance. First time for everything.

numbers...

There once was a man who often misplaced his possessions.

On good days, he would lose nothing more than two items.

On bad days, he would have lost or forgotten three things just as he was waking up.

Today, the man was on all fours, scanning the lawn.

Soon after, the man found himself lying on the grass, closing his eyes, as he took five.

The man thought, "If i can't find the ring, I might as well be six feet under."

He continued lying on the grass as he pondered if he had dropped it gardening seven days ago.

He carefully examined the row of rose bushes, but the eighth bush was the one that held the shiny object he was looking for.

Finding the ring, the man was on cloud nine.

He happily ran into the house only to find he had lost it ten minutes later.

my parents...

It's not often that my parents talk about themselves. So I thought it would be a good idea to just document something that my mother shared during dinner.

They were in Genting last week and they were on the slots machines. My mother won some money and checked with my father if she had indeed won. The guy seated at the slots machine next to my father commented,"Your daughter quite lucky." My father corrected him. I wonder if the guy thinks my father is player.

my being...

I wonder if the bitterness of where I am have unfortunately seeped into my being.

freed...

Blog posts can be so emo sometimes. There is this blog that I follow. And usually when she documents about her own life, it's about something bad. It usually prompts me to ask her if anything's wrong. But she usually says that there's nothing really wrong. She's just venting. Writing the bad things down seem to make them better. I would agree. It helps. But talking about it really helps.

Not on the blog, I mean in real life. Today, I related the story in the previous post at BS and it helped. It is cathartic. It made it feel less important. It made it let go of its strangling grip around my neck that makes me so edgy. Then again, some people would say that I'm usually edgy. That's some people.

I feel like I can go back to that island. Without that itching urge to set the place on fire.

theory of concepts...

The institute where I'm at, is an institute of concepts and theories. After thinking about it, I've decided that it's not really the tutors' fault for asking those kind of questions. After all, she's just doing her job. Instead, I am disgusted by the institute for mandating what is allowed to be taught.

The emphasis on theories and concepts irk me.

That might be too mild.

The emphasis makes me want to vomit. It makes me want to vomit and burn the vomit. Yes, it seems like I cannot express myself. But it's alright. Apparently, they don't seem concern in teaching me that. They emphasize on theories and concepts.

Concepts and theories are not real. Most aren't anyway. Most theories and concepts are a thought. A description of a thought on how things work. How really does that make us better at what we are going to do? I really don't know, maybe to the institution, all these work in their theoretical world. AND since it does work in their world of theories, it must definitely work in the world we are getting sent into. Yes... that must be it.

So, if you delight in reading and crediting people for the concepts and theories that have been written about, you will fit in at my institute. It is literally FOR you. If you are practical, they would pat you on the back and appreciate your effort. But they wouldn't believe you, because your practicality isn't backed up by a, quote "dead white man's name" end quote.

The reason given for needing to know these concepts is because we are practitioners of these concepts and theories. Since when did I sign up to be a practitioner of your theories and concepts? I certainly don't remember that. If I did, I'm sure the urge to vomit and burn something would have stopped me. I'm not denying that these concepts and theories might one day come in handy in dealing with the client, BUT please, if everything could be solved by reading up on a theory, the world wouldn't be in the state it is right now. The world is definitely not an idealistic fly-ridden island. So wake up from your fantasy and actually do something about it.

I want to vomit onto the idealistic theories and burn them. So if you happen to be an airy, half-hung in the air theory, don't come near me. Especially if you belong to that fly-infested island that thinks to highly of itself.

P.S.
If you happen to belong to an institute and you get offended by this, it only means 2 things.
Either you are paranoid and think I'm talking about you. Or, you are over-sensitive and think I'm talking about you.

(500) days of summer...

If you want to watch something that doesn't end the way you might imagine. Watch 500 days of summer. When they declared that it wasn't a love story right at the beginning, I was thinking that at the end they'll probably just tweak the statement to make some sort of exception.

SPOILER!!

The 2 main characters don't get together in the end. You think that they would, but then they don't.

END OF SPOILER!

The way that the movie moved from one scene to the other was kinda nice too.

For weird reasons, I feel that I haven't really expressed myself. It might be due to the fact that I cannot find one last stupid source for the sources assignment.

WHERE art thou source!?!?!?

week of gentleness...

Well, it's been one week. And it went quite well. I had some plans to extend it... to maybe life long? Maybe...

But I saw something that kinda broke the week of gentleness rule. We went to Chun Tin after BS today and went we were leaving, I saw a BMW Z4. And it was shiny purple. Shiny GLITTER purple.

I said, "Shit ugly."

So much for extending.