on slow mornings, lazy afternoons and lonely nights...

a mindset...

2011-12-27T18:11:00.003+08:00

I wonder how many people have read this letter sent into the forums of the Today newspaper. If you haven't, here it is - http://www.todayonline.com/Voices/EDC111226-0000019/Disparity-in-tertiary-education-facilities

It is the view of a fellow Singaporean on the facilities of the education institutions in Singapore. He wonders why ITEs are so well provided for. Yet he observes that the students there do not appreciate what they have been given, hence the amount of vandalism on the campus grounds. This observation was made when the author of the letter went to ITE East for a seminar. He made the statement that if JC or Poly students were given such quality institutions to study in, they would definitely appreciate it more, and definitely not vandalise it.

It is quite sad to see that Singaporeans still have this perception of ITEs students. Are ITE students any less worthy of the a quality education? Would it bother anyone if a JC built a 25 million dollar arts centre? But if an ITE decides to build a shiny building, why are so many eye brows suddenly raised? I believe that everyone has a right to quality education. And that includes the nice shiny buildings that house these institutions.

Would JC and Poly students necessarily appreciate the buildings more such that they do not vandalise the infrastructures? I seriously doubt that. JC and Poly students would probably not vandalise anything because they fear punishment. Not because they have never thought about it. Furthermore, if the ITEs were old decrepit buildings, wouldn't that just invite more students to vandalise them? Shiny new buildings encourage and teach students to cherish and value what they have. Sure they will always be students that break the rules, but these students can be found everywhere. Thinking back to my own JC days, the tables were definitely not in any pristine conditions.

test test...

2011-12-24T01:29:00.003+08:00

How long have I not blogged? I am not sure. However, spending some time reading my past post have made me realize one thing. I seem to be more perspective in the past. Did I lose my opinion? Maybe. Or maybe I've just misplaced the time that I need to post my thoughts. Perhaps that might explain the last post right now.

Honestly, there isn't much on my mind right now. But I do think that restarting the blog might be a good idea. Opinions on things that happen will be a refreshing way to see my own thought process in another decade or so. Maybe, laugh at my naive, shallow wit.

It is time to write again, and pick up another cent or two to improve my thoughts.

opinions...

2010-12-17T12:24:00.006+08:00

It seems like a long time since I've written anything. And in actual fact it has.

Anyway, here is an opinion on the recent debate on whether criminalizing suicide attempts are effective. And the answer obviously is no. Formally charging someone for attempting to take their lives just seems counter intuitive to how they need help and not someone to tell them it what they have done is "just another bad decision" in their already crumbling life.

The "crime" of suicide probably stemmed from the fact that it is a deterrent. Knowing if you don't complete the task, you would end up in jail somewhere would probably stop SOME people. Perhaps, it might even be a greater motivation to ensure that the attemptees do a thorough enough job to ensure their own demise. Not ensuring this would then lead to jail time. Seems like a very pragmatic, Singaporean thing to encourage everyone to do everything with 110% effort. Failure is not an option.

But I digress. Failed suicidees should be instead given some form of support. Isn't that what they really need? Perhaps what they should do is to institutionalize them at a support facility instead of merely locking them up with others more worthy of jail time. Sure it might mean that a certain amount of money will be needed to be pumped in to help run this, but isn't this what we should expect of society? To extend a helping hand?

People never think they need help till they have fallen through the cracks of society. And when they have fallen through the cracks, they need someone to reach in to pull them out. If they can find the strength to climb out of the deep dark hole on their own strength, they would probably not have fallen in in the first place.

Think about it. When you have fallen into the deepest, darkest place in your mind, would it really help that your physical surrounding is just as dark and cold?

it was merely a stare...

2010-11-01T18:58:00.003+08:00

Going by what came out in the papers today, the youths of today are pretty scary. A groups of youths hacked another youth to death just because he stared. Is a stare worth a person's life? Does a stare warrant a death sentence? I honestly cannot phantom what they could have thought. It wasn't even an open challenge to a fight. It was merely a stare. It might not even be a stare. It might just have been an extended look.

One wonders what these youths have been taught in school. Or what these youths have not been taught in school. The violent tendencies of youths these days are worrying. They think they can solve everything with their fists. If everything could easily be solved with their fists, the world would be much simpler. The world population would be much less as well.

I think Gandhi said it best, "An eye for an eye will only leave the world blind." Or in this case, a good long look cost a youth his life.

Perhaps too many youths grow up thinking that they are somehow protected or immune to the laws of the land. They don't take enough responsibility for their own actions. This has to change.

burn a what?!?

2010-09-10T11:22:00.002+08:00

I cannot believe or condone the actions of some Christians over in that place I shall not name. *cough-a-cough-mer-cough-ri-cough-ca-cough* I hope I'm not catching my Dad's cough.

Well, I cannot believe they are advocating an public burning of Qurans as a way to commemorate the September 11 bombings. And they claim this is something they believe God wants them to carry out? I really want to ask where he is hearing all these voices from... REALLY? How does this make you any different from the very fanatics whom you are trying to denounce? Your own crazy actions only make the crazy people seem less crazy.

And how do you rationalize the fact that the rest of the world is so vastly adversely affected by your actions. If it were truly from God, you would think that you would have more support. AND, if you really truly believed it was a directive from God, why would you see the need to arm yourself with pistols? Tapping on the gun during the interview while saying you are being well prepared for any possible backlash, is a sign of nothing but a lack of faith to see you through the event. If Our God is for us, who can ever stop us? If you see the need for a gun, you doubt. I truly doubt your motivations.

In the crazy fiasco they call God's direction, they finally claim that if Obama tells them to stop it, they might. And since when did government trump heavenly powers? I just want to say that if you need your leaders to step in to stop something so obviously wrong, then I doubt your own discretion, your ability to see right from wrong, and ultimately even the theology that you preach form your pulpit.

On behalf of the fanatics, I would like to apologize.

Unfortunately, in every community, there will be one of two we like to think we would be better off without.

our national pride...

2010-08-18T22:03:00.002+08:00

I saw a letter in the forum today. And I felt compelled to respond to it. It was a letter from a Singaporean who lives in China. She said that to help her 2 children remain connected to Singapore, she got them to watch the parade together. I thought that was an amazing idea. Then came the bomb. She thought that the segment that showed various Singaporeans sharing their dreams to be unSingaporean. It turned her off. She turned the television off.

Well, I loved the dreams segment. I thought that it was great that they got Singaporeans to actually verbalise their dreams. Most Singaporeans just don't share their dreams. Hence, they don't have dreams. Or they don't think they should dream...

iPhone, iPhony...

2010-07-04T09:21:00.003+08:00

I want an iPhone. The iPhone has many problems.

Divided.

Anyway, they said that they will be releasing a new app that would help users tell signal strengths more accurately. I wonder why people would want that. I would rather they change the physical design of the antenna. Wouldn't that be a better solution? The app doesn't solve the problem.

The solution is a phony effort.

how do they know?

2010-06-29T20:16:00.002+08:00

The question of the day is this: how do the MRT people know how many people are in the trains? Did they employ a person just to look at cctv footage and count the number of people who enters and exits each train?

If they claimed to know how many Singaporean are in the MRT system at any one time, that I can believe. But to claim they know how many people there are in a train at one time? Is that even possible?

What is the crush-load anyway? The kind people at MRT might want to clarify.

a nation of screamers...

2010-06-27T00:10:00.002+08:00

I have a neighbour that screams at her child. It's not a one off event. It's quite regular. But while I cannot make out everything that she says. At least you can make out it's directed at her child.

But that's not the point. Instead, I want to talk about what happens when parents constantly scream at their children. Firstly, I want to say that screaming is not effective, unless you claim that it's good exercise. Anyway, what's the point of screaming? Do you need to tell your neighbours that you are discipling your child as the model parent should? Or is your child hard of hearing, therefore the need to raise your voice? Perhaps your child is hard of hearing because of all the screaming in the first place.

The worst effect of screaming at the child would be that the child would grow up thinking that screaming is the only way to deal with people when they are upset. So you get teenagers screaming at each other thinking it's normal. You'll get more and more parents screaming at their children, not knowing how else to deal with ill discipline.

I think the only setback of living in Singapore is that none of the neighbours are doing anything about it. (Including myself) Indifference. That's what a nation of screamers will be built upon.

national education...

2010-06-15T14:25:00.002+08:00

It's not a good sign when you see more and more pastors making the papers for all the wrong reasons. Today, another pastor made the headlines for making insensitive remarks towards another religion. And Christians wonder why they are always being misunderstood by the rest of the community.

Sermons can get pretty dry. However, if pastors need to resort to to making fun of other religions to maintain the attention of the congregation, that's a sad sad state to be in. Attend a speech and drama class, learn the proper way to engage your audience. Oscar Wilde said that sarcasm is the lowest form of wit. And everyday we fight a war to prevent teenagers from making fun of their peers. With role models like these, no wonder we are on the losing end.

So this is a national educational message: Don't make fun of others. There are other things out there that are actually funny. If you can only find laughter when you put someone else down, you've got to reevaluate your sense of humor, there might be something connected wrongly somewhere.

empathy...

2010-05-31T10:01:00.002+08:00

Today, I saw 2 people from an opposition party handing out booklets along an underpass at Orchard. They were trying to garner support for democracy. I say try because that all they could do. They proclaim that democracy needs YOUR help. If we don’t do anything about it, democracy will die. If they didn’t know, democracy cannot be dead because it has never been alive.

No one in the underpass even gave them a second look. Perhaps they heard, but they just didn’t want to hear it.

Empathy is what’s truly dead in Singapore. When we are young, we help because we can. They don’t see differences, they see someone in need. The older we get, the more we see our interest over the common good. Children learn what they see, what is modeled for them. How many times have your parents told you not to be ‘kaypoh’ and ‘mind your own business’?

Empathy might the superhero that can save democracy.

arm chair ping pong...

2010-05-26T18:12:00.002+08:00

You've heard of arm chair tacticians.... here is ping pong in relative comfort.

$70...

2010-05-08T15:24:00.002+08:00

Are you feeling feverish?

Is it the weather? The crazily humid days that pour without warning?

Or is it a fever of another kind? The kind of fever that can only be solved paying $70.

Pastor asked me what where he was going to find $70. I thought that was such a random question. But I did tell him that maybe he should just watch it at a random coffeeshop.

creativity...

2010-05-05T12:45:00.002+08:00

I can't remember where I read this, but a photo Mic*helle sent reminded me of this.

What is the colour of the sky?

If your first reaction is to say blue, then I must say that you have been curbed. You have been told to colour within the the lines so often that your reflex response is so tuned to the right response that you cannot fathom the sky being any other colour.

BUT, I can tell you that the sky can be made up of a multitude of colour. It's not just blue in the day and dark blue at night. It can also be a violet hue in the dawn, searing blue in the noon, orange-red in the dusk, and black at night.

What is the point of all this? I think MO said it best when he made a comment about how the system tends toward promoting the right answers rather than the exposure to the multitude of possibilities that are out there. Is the right answer always the best answer? In fact, is the right answer even important? Sure it is, but only to an extent. How far does this extent extend? That's a personal choice.

Do we only want people who would only tell you the sky is blue? Or do we need people who can see the possibilities that others cannot?

university...

2010-04-19T08:27:00.003+08:00

There has been a recent debate on whether universities should first cater to JC students before they consider Polytechnic graduates. I believe the current majority is that it should, considering that JC students go to JC for that sole purpose of getting a ticket into university, the a level certificate.

Well, I must say that while it is a huge reason, it is only ONE big reason. Are there any other reasons universities should admit JC students first? I believe there really isn't. Polytechnic students can critically analyze a text as well as any JC student.

Let's look at the situation from this perspective. What is the purpose of the university? For all its worth, I'm going to say that it's to encourage education. Education at a higher level. We're not going into the "it gets you a great job" part. The university allows all who are able to enter an opportunity to explore their area of interest at a higher, more specialised level. The question that we have now is this: WHO should be the ones to get this opportunity?

I don't think that JC students should have an advantage just because they have made the choice to enter JC. Instead, I think the opportunity should be offered to whoever can prove to possess the academic abilities to handle the academic rigor. If in the future, it turns out that Polytechnics produce better students, then those students should be given the opportunity to further their studies in the university.

Going into a JC shouldn't entitle you to a spot in the university. There are many people in JCs who do not grab hold of the opportunity they have and while away their time. Based on grades, it is already more difficult to enter a university through a Polytechnic. Why should these people be given an advantage over others in Polytechnics who have to slog away to maintain a near perfect grade?

another sat parade...

2010-04-18T09:30:00.002+08:00

Another sat parade means that it was another attempt at balloon sculpting. Here are this week's efforts!

Bear on a stick...
flower in progress... the flower!!!

and my slightly deformed heart...

he's just not that into you...

2010-04-05T12:05:00.002+08:00

I watched this over the long weekend and I was amazed.

The movie isn't particularly great. It didn't teach me anything. It didn't try to reveal a deeper understanding of anything. It was a another typical rom-com. I was amazed at how people read signs and signals and totally screw them up. But even then, I did learn something from watching the movie. I've learnt that people, both men and women, make crazy assumptions about the people around them. And for the people they like/love, these assumptions occur about a hundred times more.

We, as normal human beings, cannot read minds. All we can do is try to read the signals that have been sent out and we try our best to decipher them. Of course, we are only human and we often get everything wrong. So, what I've learnt from watching this is that reading signs and signals are all so difficult. Just say it as it is. Unless there is a really good reason for playing mind games, I think hints, signs and signals should just not be used. Then again, this is just my personal male opinion.

age and wisdom...

2010-03-15T00:04:00.003+08:00

Age is not an indicator of wisdom. This is what I want to say after seeing how most times a childlike faith and perception is all it takes to accomplish what you need. I wanted to write more. But I'm too tired.

Tired.

sat parade...

2010-02-21T17:44:00.003+08:00

This is what I learnt to do at last week's sat parade.

And here are some random photos.

At first I thought this was a reindeer. Yes, it's actually a dragon.

What wrong with this photo? Well, if here is is less sugar, then it's no longer the "original" joy juice recipe.

This just looks really happy. =)

v-day...

2010-02-15T01:28:00.003+08:00

Since this year's v-day obviously cannot beat Lunar New Year, I thought I just write something to help. It's also been a long time since I last wrote. I like it though.

Happily-Ever-After

Her freckled face masked her age. She looked so young, younger than most of the other women in the room. When she entered, the room quieten, the room turned and followed as she took all eleven steps down into the hall.

The musicians continued to play, the slow melody of the music the only barrier against the silence.

She moved across the room looking at no one else. Her figure cut through the throng of dancers on the floor. Her gaze was transfixed at one thing at the other end, the door to the balcony. As she walked passed, guests start to speak. Most did it in hushed voices. Men asked pervasive questions about her origin, women made superficial comments about how she invaded their territory. All these she could not hear, her cold, hard, beautiful exterior seem to merely deflect all that away from her.

She reached the other side of the room, and the room was now abuzz. The low buzzing of whispers had grown, ever so slightly, with each person she had passed. She reached out for the handle, but stopped short before touching it. She took a long slow breath and felt the cold, hard, steel handle. She pushed it down with what felt like all the strength she had left in her. With the door slightly ajar, she felt the cold wind rush upon her freckles.

The wind seared her insides and she took in the iciness. It made her wonder why she had done this, why she had to endure all the bitter coldness. Where was all the warmth that was promised? When will she feel it? Where was the happy ending to her story?

She pushed the slightly ajar door even harder. The cold wind on the other side pushed back, but she only push harder. She had already endured so much. The wind would not keep her away. She stepped out the door and pulled her shawl around her shoulders. The door gently clicked as it shut behind her and the spell on the room was lifted. Everyone in the room returned to what they had been doing before, seemingly dusted with amnesia.

On the other side of the door, another spell was being cast, one of quiet animosity. She looked around the modestly-sized balcony. The cold thirty-seventh story wind had kept most of the guests inside. Still there was one person, one lone person casting a silhouette against the balcony. She cleared her throat gently, then again, louder to ensure he could hear above the wheezing wind.

The startled man spun round to face her and toppled his glass. His feet were still facing the wrong way as the glass rolled off the parapet. Between righting himself, attempting to save the glass and acting as if everything were planned, he choose to watch his glass roll off into the darkness below and act as if he had everything under control. He spun himself to face her and in the distance the soft sound of breaking glass was heard.

“You’ve managed to come,” the man straightened himself and pulled at his shirt.

“You look beautiful tonight.”

“Not that you don’t usually look any worse…” the man tired to salvage.

The man motioned for her to follow her to the table set out for two. The candle on the table was clearly burnt but strong wind made it impossible for it to remain alight. The only light came from inside the room and it made it seem as if the balcony were under a dark blanket. The darkness hid his facial expressions, his embarrassments. It also hid her reactions, which made reading her practically impossible. But her freckles, darker against the rest of her face, could just be made out, and by the heaving of her cheeks he tried his best to imagine her reactions.

The man started with an attempt to tell her how much he loved her. She sat there emotionless but well hidden in the darkness, she could just as likely been seething with rage. The man then continued with an explanation of why it seems everything was left till now, the last minute. She shifted, but her soft breaths made it sound more likely that she were asleep. The man looked at his watch, the time was near. Efforts needed to be doubled for the plans to come to fruition. Clearly, stalling for time was as natural to him as catching a toppled glass. The man then stopped. He just sat there and waited, confusion seemingly keeping him mum. Nothing was due to happen, not now.

The man started to play with a lighter, letting the flame lick the blade of a small knife. The wind fought to extinguish the flame but the short phases of light allowed her to see his eyes, glazed and concentrated.

Her thoughts tormented her. She knew why she was here. She was here to find out what ‘happily-ever-after’ meant. His silence only furthered confused her. If he had conceded the war to explain, then it might mean that there isn’t even such a thing. She looked at the large clock in the city skyline behind him. The fourteen was ending. There was hardly minutes left, inaction was hardly a fitting way to see out the rest of the day. But confusion had kept her quiet too.

Minutes slipped into the past and the clock from inside the hall chimed as the fourteen ended. She got up. A tad violently and the candle on the table toppled over. The candle rolled towards the edge of the table and fell. But before it could hit the ground, the man caught it and placed it back on the table.

“Please sit. I have more to say,” the man pleaded.

“You had time. Now it’s over,” the woman replied.

“Please…”

But before he could say any more, the woman started walking to the door.

“I know the fourteen was special. But it’s special for so many other people as well. You will find the question and answer you are looking for in the candle. Wait…”

The woman was almost at the door and the man reached for the candle and sliced it neatly at the base with the knife he was burning. Before she could open the door, he pulled her around to face her and held up something in her face. Next to the door, the light from the hall sparkled off a ring crusted in pieces of wax.

“It was due right when the day passed but the wind was giving me a hard time. I hope you wouldn’t,” the man said in one quick breath. “I cannot promise you a happily-ever-after, but I can try.”

2010-02-03T21:34:00.002+08:00

If you cannot really read the image above, it's okie. I think the most important thing is still quite visible. This is an email response to my deferment of an army activity. And the subject line is true. I am a free subject.

$100million...

2010-01-24T15:59:00.002+08:00

I realised that there is another very obvious use for $100 million dollars. We could just send it to Haiti to help in relief efforts. Although there is news that it's actually $40 million. But $40million is still more than the $70,250 that the government has sent.

$100 million...

2010-01-21T22:15:00.002+08:00

$100million dollars is quite alot of money. But that is the amount that FIFA is asking for the rights to show the World Cup 2010. I wonder what FIFA is thinking about when they keep going on about how the wages of footballers and club debts are skyrocketing out of control. So how does asking for so much money to televise the World cup tie in with trying to control the soccer industry.

But that's too complicated. Instead, I'm going to give examples of what $100million dollars can get you.

First. You can send 6798 people to South Africa to watch the World Cup.

Each person will cost $20629.58. Each person will get one air ticket and tickets to all the matches. The Singapore Airlines, First class return tickets will cost $7459. These 6798 people will be able to watch all the matches at a seat in the first row, at the centre line. That will cost $18455.58. Each person will have to find their own accommodation, but the expensive things are paid for.

Second. Buy a 11% stake in Liverpool.

I wonder who might take this option. But you can buy a 11% stake in a ex-Champions League club for $100milion. Don't expect returns soon though.

Third. Buy 227 units at the Pinnacle@Duxton.

At the first release, one 5 room flat cost $439,400. Buying a block is a good investment. It's going to give a better return than Liverpool. Sorry to all Liverpool fans, but the truth hurts.

Fourth. Buy 50million packets of chicken rice.

At $2 a packet, it is cheap and good. In order to finish 50million packets, you need 2747 people to eat chicken rice 2 meals a day, for 50 years. Of course, chickens wouldn't be too happy.

Last. Retire at the age of 25.

Let's assume you are done with university at the age of 25. So you retire upon graduation. Let's also assume that most people live for about 80 years. So for 55 years, you can spend $1,818,181 a year. Almost 2 million a year or about $4981 a day. Sounds like good living.

I think $100million can be better spent.

the blog made the papers...

2010-01-21T09:38:00.004+08:00

After some people asked some questions, I realised that the statement above can be misleading. The blog did not get featured in the papers. Instead, an extract from an entry was featured.

By popular demand... from people who don't subscribe to ST.

loansharks part II...

2010-01-18T09:32:00.003+08:00

It came out in the papers again. This time in the opinions, forum section of the papers. Again the call to not criminalize borrowers came out again. Again, the reason being that it would drive the actives further underground. BUT, this time, they said that they didn't want to have borrowers needing to face another threat. They state that now, if borrowers don't repay their debt, loansharks can just threaten to to report the borrowers to the police. Somehow, I don't see how this works in favour of the loansharks.

Imagine this...

Loanshark: Owe money, pay money!!!!

Borrower: But I got no money, if I got money, need to borrow from loanshark meh?!?!?

L: Okie, then I report you to the police! Then you go and rot in jail!!! Muhahahahaha!!!

B: Great!!! In jail, the police will give me free lodging, food and most of all protection from you!!! And not like they can force me to cough out money I don't have.

Back to reality...

Furthermore, loansharks can only report the borrowers to the police. However, if they say, "Mr. Policeman, please arrest Mr. Tan Bo Lui. He borrow money from me, Mr. You Wan Lui. Make him return money to me. Thank you."

Since loansharking is still illegal, I'm sure the police will track you down and arrest you too. Hence, it makes no sense to report your debtors to the police.

I'm sure you all can think of other ways this will backfire for the loanshark. The loanshark can of course take this course of action.

L: Nevermind, I will continue to add your interest!! When you come out, you will owe me even more money!!!

B: Eh, which jail you go before got pay you money for squatting in a cell? When I come out, I still wouldn't have money...

Lastly, I would just like to say that loansharks is a colloquial word, nominalize form of the verb loansharking. The official word is illegal money lender, IML.

what is race?

2010-01-17T20:11:00.002+08:00

What exactly is race?

Isn't it just another way to draw another line to tell people that they do not belong?

Of course, another to see it is to see it as another way to draw the line to tell people that they DO belong.

Recently, with the new changes that now allow for a dual race classification, a whole new generation of Singaporeans are voicing their views on the issue. Going off on a minor tangent, why is it called "double-barrel" race?

Coming back, how does this help in anyway in building the identity of a nation? Will this actually help people of mixed parentage to feel more connected to their roots? What does being connected to your roots actually mean? Most youth in Singapore today, identify more with the westernized, tv culture that they grew up with rather than the more traditional culture that they are supposedly connected to via heritage. Perhaps they should allow parents to choose "MTV Generation".

And what happens in the future when 2 parents of "double-barreled" races have children? If a Chinese-Malay and a Indian-Eurasian have a child, what is the child's race? Are they going to allow the ultimate race of permutations of "CMIO"? This might be funny, but this is really going to become complicated, real soon.

Race is sensitive. Classification only highlights the difference. Difference is sensitive.

loansharks...

2010-01-13T11:44:00.002+08:00

I am amused by the comment that came out in the papers today. A member of parliament said that we shouldn't criminalize people who borrow from loansharks as that would only drive loansharking activities further underground. After reading that, I wondered how much thought went through the thought process before he decided to come into the open with that statement.

Loansharking is illegal. The loaning part is anyway. It's like chewing gum. It's illegal to sell it in Singapore. However, you can bring in small quantities for personal consumption. Chewing in public is not illegal either. But disposing it irresponsibly will result in breaking the law.

But what really is wrong with making it illegal to loan from loansharks? If your main concern is for the convenience of policing them, it's not really a strong argument. It's not like legalizing prostitution or gambling. The legalizing of such activities might have helped the government to keep the activities in check. But they only work because the "bad" effects of prostitution and gambling are quite limited to the person who participates in these activities. i.e: The man who visits the prostitute risks getting STD and the man who gambles risks losing his own money. Loansharking is a tad different. There is an after-effect of borrowing, the harassing to repay debt.

And it seems that this is what causing more problems. I mean if all the borrowers were responsible people who repaid their debts on time, the problem of harassing the wrong people would never have arose. Then again, if all the borrowers were responsible people, I doubt they need to borrow money from a loanshark. But that's my opinion.

Also, by keeping borrowing from loansharks legal, it is as much a sign that it is alright to borrow from loansharks. And as long as there are people who are willing to borrow from loansharks and incur high interest rates, there will be people who are willing to lend money to these people. It's all about the theory of demand and supply. In theory, if the government passes a law that makes borrowing from loansharks illegal, then the number of people who would risk going to loansharks would dip. Resulting from this dip, loansharks cannot make enough money from loansharking and they would leave the "industry". This will then lead to a dip in the number of loansharks. In theory it sounds good.

bodyguards and assassins...

2010-01-06T11:17:00.002+08:00

It's not that I haven't been dreaming, it's more like there isn't one that is worth blogging about. But this is not bad.

In this dream, I part of the police. Though I do remember threatening someone with death. Maybe the police in my dream are allowed to do that. It takes place in Chinatown. Looks like Chinatown in Singapore. We run down Chinatown chasing this group of Indians, not being racist, they just happened to be Indians. We catch up with them, confront them. They look like they are 40ish. Too old to be young punks. We exchange threats, issue ultimatums. Ultimatums which includes the death as the ultimate result.

We then run back to where the main group of police are. I get separated from the others running back and I end up in this back alley of this bodyguards training school. Singapore must have really gone into some niche production if this really happens. They see me running towards them and the whole bunch of them starts running in the same direction. And no, I don't know why this happens either. It's like a movie loophole, you just accept it. Before I can reach where I was running to, I have to cut through this wet market. Just before I could reach the "safe point", just a stairway away, the dream ends.

That was quite an exciting dream.

what more can we expect?

2010-01-05T20:02:00.003+08:00

This is a line from song. I cannot seem to find the song it came from though. Actually, it appeared in so many songs, I cannot decide which song it came from. It was playing when something of significance happened. When lulling about why it might have happened and how easily it can happen, the line kept shouting out, "What more can we expect?"

We ask for much. That's understated. We usually ask for more than commitment. Most could say we have given up our lives for it. Sacrificed our lives. For the better good? Most cannot see the better good. The "better good" can only be seen after we all stop, take a step back, see, ponder. But only after at least a span of a good 5 years. Because of this inability to see the results of what we do, some have fallen. Fallen might be an exaggeration. Sounds like they've died. Maybe it's more apt to say, "left the cause."

Yes. If you fail to see the better good, you cannot sustain the ministry for long. If you made it to the 1 year mark, you could easily see yourself in the same ministry for a good decade. It only sounds long. Young people fail to see the better good more often. Living in our fast-paced, fast-track society doesn't help. It only gives you that added need to see something. It's an unrealistic expectation. Some have the fortunate opportunity to learn this before they start. Most don't and learn the hard way. Some of the most learn and reinvest their lives. More learn the lesson, but don't apply it in the ministry. I can only hope they apply it some other parts of their lives. Of course, there will be that group that refuse to see the lesson at all and get all bitter. Fortunately, the number can still fit comfortably on one hand.

Sigh.

It seems easier to chronicle something that pains. I wonder if somewhere inside people need to remember the pain in their lives. Hopefully, it will only be used as reminders to the lessons that we all can learn.

On a brighter note. I finished everything that I wanted to do today. More than what I can say for the entire holiday.

what i've been doing...

2009-12-24T12:41:00.002+08:00

I have also been watching Scrubs and Grey's Anatomy.

The current season of Scrubs, 9, pales in comparison to the previous 8. Why? Because, they weren't supposed to have a season 9. They said goodbye in season 8. A great farewell. It was as good as killing off the main characters to ensure that the only way they could continue was to produce a season of flashbacks. But they didn't. They just said goodbye. So in season 9, it seems only 3 main characters are left. Where is Elliot? Where is Carla? WHERE IS THE JANITOR? They used the same entrance for 8 seasons. In the 9th, they have new people. It's not Scrubs anymore.

But at least there is always hope in Grey's.

what i've been doing...

2009-12-24T12:35:00.002+08:00

Okie, so there are stuff that I have to do to fill up time.

And I've watched 2 movies. At the rate I watch movies these days, 2 in 2 weeks is an all time high. Furthermore, they are Hong Kong movies. I never really watch Hong Kong movies in the cinema because they release to videos so quick in their effort to combat piracy you might as well wait for 3 weeks and just buy the video release.

But if you have the time go watch Bodyguards and Assassins. 风云 was a disappointment.

what i've been NOT doing...

2009-12-24T12:20:00.003+08:00

What have I been doing?

Nothing.

Then, how do you blog about doing nothing?

You can't.

So, I'm going to blog about how I've achieved doing nothing.

Doing nothing is an exaggeration. Because if I had really achieved doing nothing, I would have rotted away by the 3rd day. Or my mother would have swept me away on the 7th. But I have managed to not do anything that would be normally be considered part of my routine responsibility.

After Annual Camp, I've basically let go of all the BB stuff. But yea, some things need to be done. But they are just sitting there. Lifeline? Couldn't do it. They wouldn't talk to me. I cannot imagine a helpline that doesn't pick up, but it exists. Might explain the state that society is in. Gr*acia took it back. Annual Camp happened only 3 weeks ago. But it felt so long ago. Had a 4 day break before I went to ICT. I must say it is always relaxing in ICT. All I do is sit and watch. Thank God nothing happens. So this is day 4 after ICT. Maybe I'll go do other things. Need to. But before the year ended, I let go of another commitment. I got out of SP Com. I can't deny that saying/writing that I'm out gives me so much pleasure.

Just so tired.

Superheroes get tired too.

mother tongues...

2009-12-09T11:28:00.002+08:00

Well, late. But what the heck, everyone is still talking about it. Every other day in the forum, you see it, people talking about the new bilingual policy.

So here is my take.

I think the new direction that the policy is taking is great. Interest. Rote learning is so last century. Why didn't they think of this earlier? If they had attempted to teach creativity, I'm surprised that they didn't think they could teach interest. Although, this might be the next big problem; them trying to teach interest.

Another thing that surfaced over the weeks of forum was this one letter by this guy. This guy like many singaporeans have an innate, distinct, disdain toward the Mandarin taught in school. Hence, he never really mastered Mandarin but went on in life to speak 11 other languages. There was this other comment about how to learn a foreign language, that is to think in the language. It helps the speaker to immerse into the language. This could be another problem. In schools where the largest percentage of the population will find no meaning to learning Mandarin, they usually limit the language you can speak in school. Only English in the common corridors is something I remember form school. A limited exposure just reinforces the mentality that they don't need another language.

Language equality is important. That is something that we don't have. And that's something that is actually quite hard to achieve. Few people would see the need to have it. And due to individual social experiences, one language will always hold a higher status, more important, more intimate. That language will be dominant and used more often and expanded more extensively. How do you teach something like that? Brainwashing is not an option. No matter what you believe any government is capable of.

being less emo...

2009-11-24T20:12:00.002+08:00

There was this one thing that SQ said the other day that got me thinking. As we all know he was in Japan for a week, and after he came back, he said that all the blog entries of the blogs that he was following were all so emo...

Well, it's an outlet. So Maybe that's why it's all abit more emo. I've also been thinking if I should paint this awesome happy picture that might not be all that accurate. Maybe accurate is better than happy happy picture. I'm still deciding...

Anyway, on an emo note... I need a freaking break. A break from everything. ESPecially, BB. Too much is an understatement. And I think I'm no longer being as productive as I can be.

Sigh. A sign of the times perhaps.

tradition?

2009-11-15T21:23:00.002+08:00

They were showing this on TVMobile while I was on the way to church this morning. It was one of those travel shows and this episode was on Spain. So they were doing this 5 things you've got to see while in Spain kind of thing and one of the thing that they were encouraging tourists to see was bull fighting. They showed an entire bull fight and then they interviewed a couple of people after to get their reactions.

The first thing that I noticed was the relative emptiness of the stadium. And the second thing that I noticed was that most of the spectators seemed to be watching for the first time. Most of them tourists no doubt. But one thing one of the interviewees said was this: Some people might think that this is cruel, but you've got to know it's part of their tradition.

So does being it mean then that tradition is a good excuse for cruelty? Well, I don't see anyone still sacrificing virgin girls trying to appease whatever gods there are out there. So why have we come to accept that cock fighting is bad will bull fighting is still acceptable? It seems just as bad but still as acceptable? Perhaps it's an leg thing. 2 legs good, 4 legs nevermind? Both sports result in the death of an animal. Just because in one sport, the killer is an animal that can think doesn't mean that the losing animal dies with any less pain.

I'm not asking the world to turn vegan. I'm asking the world to say no to trivialising lives. Even if the bulls are used to feed homeless orphaned children, there are more civil ways to kill a cow.

the night i nearly died...

2009-11-12T14:19:00.004+08:00

Please hold all judgment till the end.

On Tuesday, I went home not feeling too well. When I reached home, I had diarrhea and started to vomit. So, Mother forced me to see a doctor that night. All notion of food caused me to want to retch. Imagine I couldn't sit in front of the television showing food when I was waiting for my mother. All the more I couldn't take the smell of the Pasar Malam in front of the clinic. After the doctor, I went home, slept awhile, not well though. Had problems breathing. Had to send an email to settle some school stuff, so I think I did this at about 12ish. My labored breathing woke up my brother, and that's when the hospital part started. In the ambulance, the paramedic told me I might have punctured my lung from excessive stress from vomiting. So I reached the hospital with this feeling that I don't need anyone opening me up, I'll live with the hole in my lung. They took an x-ray and told me I was fine, but they couldn't find out why I had shortness of breath. After they found out there was nothing life threatening, they tried to get me to slow down my breathing. My fingers were so numb. My fingers are still kinda numb right now. SO I was pumped with 4 bags of fluids and multiple injections. I went in and out of consciousness, or maybe I fell asleep, I don't really recall too much about that happened. It didn't really feel like I had spent 5 hours in A&E.

There was some karma somewhere in all that. Some of you will know that I used to be a medic. As all medics go, there is a initial "don't cao keng (don't act sick)" feeling. So I got that feeling from the nurses that night. Haha.

Never really imagined that I need to go to hospital in an ambulance. First time for everything.

numbers...

2009-11-09T21:55:00.003+08:00

There once was a man who often misplaced his possessions.

On good days, he would lose nothing more than two items.

On bad days, he would have lost or forgotten three things just as he was waking up.

Today, the man was on all fours, scanning the lawn.

Soon after, the man found himself lying on the grass, closing his eyes, as he took five.

The man thought, "If i can't find the ring, I might as well be six feet under."

He continued lying on the grass as he pondered if he had dropped it gardening seven days ago.

He carefully examined the row of rose bushes, but the eighth bush was the one that held the shiny object he was looking for.

Finding the ring, the man was on cloud nine.

He happily ran into the house only to find he had lost it ten minutes later.

my parents...

2009-11-09T08:11:00.002+08:00

It's not often that my parents talk about themselves. So I thought it would be a good idea to just document something that my mother shared during dinner.

They were in Genting last week and they were on the slots machines. My mother won some money and checked with my father if she had indeed won. The guy seated at the slots machine next to my father commented,"Your daughter quite lucky." My father corrected him. I wonder if the guy thinks my father is player.

my being...

2009-10-28T00:01:00.000+08:00

I wonder if the bitterness of where I am have unfortunately seeped into my being.

freed...

2009-10-14T23:48:00.003+08:00

Blog posts can be so emo sometimes. There is this blog that I follow. And usually when she documents about her own life, it's about something bad. It usually prompts me to ask her if anything's wrong. But she usually says that there's nothing really wrong. She's just venting. Writing the bad things down seem to make them better. I would agree. It helps. But talking about it really helps.

Not on the blog, I mean in real life. Today, I related the story in the previous post at BS and it helped. It is cathartic. It made it feel less important. It made it let go of its strangling grip around my neck that makes me so edgy. Then again, some people would say that I'm usually edgy. That's some people.

I feel like I can go back to that island. Without that itching urge to set the place on fire.

theory of concepts...

2009-10-13T23:12:00.002+08:00

The institute where I'm at, is an institute of concepts and theories. After thinking about it, I've decided that it's not really the tutors' fault for asking those kind of questions. After all, she's just doing her job. Instead, I am disgusted by the institute for mandating what is allowed to be taught.

The emphasis on theories and concepts irk me.

That might be too mild.

The emphasis makes me want to vomit. It makes me want to vomit and burn the vomit. Yes, it seems like I cannot express myself. But it's alright. Apparently, they don't seem concern in teaching me that. They emphasize on theories and concepts.

Concepts and theories are not real. Most aren't anyway. Most theories and concepts are a thought. A description of a thought on how things work. How really does that make us better at what we are going to do? I really don't know, maybe to the institution, all these work in their theoretical world. AND since it does work in their world of theories, it must definitely work in the world we are getting sent into. Yes... that must be it.

So, if you delight in reading and crediting people for the concepts and theories that have been written about, you will fit in at my institute. It is literally FOR you. If you are practical, they would pat you on the back and appreciate your effort. But they wouldn't believe you, because your practicality isn't backed up by a, quote "dead white man's name" end quote.

The reason given for needing to know these concepts is because we are practitioners of these concepts and theories. Since when did I sign up to be a practitioner of your theories and concepts? I certainly don't remember that. If I did, I'm sure the urge to vomit and burn something would have stopped me. I'm not denying that these concepts and theories might one day come in handy in dealing with the client, BUT please, if everything could be solved by reading up on a theory, the world wouldn't be in the state it is right now. The world is definitely not an idealistic fly-ridden island. So wake up from your fantasy and actually do something about it.

I want to vomit onto the idealistic theories and burn them. So if you happen to be an airy, half-hung in the air theory, don't come near me. Especially if you belong to that fly-infested island that thinks to highly of itself.

P.S.
If you happen to belong to an institute and you get offended by this, it only means 2 things.
Either you are paranoid and think I'm talking about you. Or, you are over-sensitive and think I'm talking about you.

(500) days of summer...

2009-10-10T12:12:00.002+08:00

If you want to watch something that doesn't end the way you might imagine. Watch 500 days of summer. When they declared that it wasn't a love story right at the beginning, I was thinking that at the end they'll probably just tweak the statement to make some sort of exception.

SPOILER!!

The 2 main characters don't get together in the end. You think that they would, but then they don't.

END OF SPOILER!

The way that the movie moved from one scene to the other was kinda nice too.

For weird reasons, I feel that I haven't really expressed myself. It might be due to the fact that I cannot find one last stupid source for the sources assignment.

WHERE art thou source!?!?!?

week of gentleness...

2009-10-07T23:18:00.002+08:00

Well, it's been one week. And it went quite well. I had some plans to extend it... to maybe life long? Maybe...

But I saw something that kinda broke the week of gentleness rule. We went to Chun Tin after BS today and went we were leaving, I saw a BMW Z4. And it was shiny purple. Shiny GLITTER purple.

I said, "Shit ugly."

So much for extending.

gift of prophecy...

2009-09-30T23:41:00.002+08:00

After BS, we went down to Holland for a drink but ended up at Swensens for ice cream. Before we left, SQ said that he wanted to go to Cold Storage to get some snacks. Being SQ, he added that you'll never know which pretty girl might you can bump into at Cold Storage. She might not be able to reach for an item in the top shelf and might ask us for help getting it. You wonder what kind of (short) girl you would bump into at 1030 at night.

Anyway, I followed SQ to Cold Storage and we were at the snacks sections when I felt a hand touch my back to ask for help. I turned around to find this elderly Japanese lady asking us to reach for a can on the top shelf. Gift of prophecy. SQ might have gotten some of the details wrong. But it was near enough.

On another note, we are doing this book on disciplines for BS. A couple of months ago, we tried this "discipline for a week" thing. That time, I tired to do QT everyday for a week. Failed that time. So we are doing it again this week. For this week, I'm going to be gentle for a week. So for one week, I will not snap at people. Practice gentleness. If you know me well enough, you know this is going to be fun for everyone around me.

time?

2009-09-27T23:44:00.002+08:00

Where did the time go?

I'm not extremely busy. But I'm tied up enough with enough things floating in my mind. When I cannot focus, my mind drifts to the 101 things that seems to be fighting for my undivided attention. But the unfortunate thing is, my attention is already divided in 102 ways leaving nothing much anywhere.

I want to watch a couple of movies. Namely the Brad Pitt one about how they would have liked to kill Hitler. It is a work of fiction, so please don't ask anyone if what you are watching actually happened. The other thing that I would like to watch is 9. It's a Tim Burton flick. I am quite a Tim Burton fan. Is there really any other reason why I shouldn't be watching it?

But it seems that movie watching has become a luxury. Where can I find time to watch? I probably have to give up something. Like a social life. I'm even putting off the trip to the dentist because I don't think it's responsible for me to remove a wisdom tooth right now. Okie, time is anther reason. I cannot find enough time to not talk. Or more accurately, talk and not be understood.

I cannot wait for the semester to be over. Bla*ckboard isn't working. I wonder what the hell the institution is doing? How did they ever ensured the well being of the students when all the administrative things they have are riddled, plagued even, with problems. Of course there are a couple other things that can be brought up, but then again, where is the time?

Then how did I find the time to do this? No time for anything else, but there is time for a blog post? Well, I'm waiting for the Blackb*oard to work. Maybe that's what all the breakdowns are for. They are all put there to help students find free time. BUT it is so stressing everyone out.

unlike me...

2009-09-27T00:05:00.001+08:00

I did something that I never thought I would do. At least not something that I would do this young in my life. Maybe it would happen, like 89 years down the road.

Today, opps, it's yesterday already. YESterday, I went to meet a friend for lunch at Holland. Only to find out that it was happening next week. And the awesomest thing was, I actually met my friend. It wasn't one of those awkward phone calls where I say "huh" like 10 times. It was a life face to face conversation where I said "aren't you having lunch with me? what do you mean you are going swimming?"

So yes, while I do admit that I forget things from time to time, I don't recall being wrong for an appointment's DAY. Maybe I'm really getting old.

Right before I left for Holland, there was a bunch of people laughing at how old I am. Talk about being old.

how busy are you?

2009-09-21T22:45:00.002+08:00

I'm supposed to be busy. But then again, how busy am I? I'm blogging. There are stuff to do. But I'm just not compelled to do anything. PBL? That's like the last thing on my mind.

emo...

2009-09-19T23:27:00.002+08:00

I wonder if writing about something sad is easier than writing about something happy. Maybe it's the way that I've grown up. A life that was filled with sadder stuff? Maybe.

Occasionally, I can hear a neighbour screaming at her child. I think I've actually seen this neighbour before. Once at the lift lobby. I think she was conscious that I was there. She tried to not scream. But still, it was too loud for me. Thinking about the child with a less than sensitive mother made me want to write. But then again, maybe I shouldn't.

lis low...

2009-09-19T11:15:00.003+08:00

As an English teacher, I feel victimised. VICTIMISED.

Yes, I don't deny the fact that there are some English teachers out there who cannot speak English for their lives. When you lie on the bed unable to sleep, you wonder how they became English teachers in the first place.

BUT.

Saying that her state of English is so bad is solely her teachers' fault. That's just plain WTH. For the record, I've never met anyone else who speaks like her. To claim that half of Singaporeans speak like her is a total insult to Singaporeans. The "Speak good Engrrriish" guy might as well claim that if you speak proper English, there is a 50% chance you aren't Singaporean.

If you are wondering what all this is about, go read the forum in the Life section of The Straits Times on the 19th of September 2009. All the hoo-haa over a beauty queen who needs speech therapy.

Maybe her real name is Lis Low.

muse?

2009-09-14T20:59:00.001+08:00

What do you do when you cannot produce something? I really don't know. So I'm blogging. How is blogging going to help? Not entirely sure either. Hopefully, the typing, the writing, the putting together of thought will help in the same few aspects of writing the essay. It's not an entirely note-worthy effort to be inspired to write. But this is one of the few things I can probably do.

I'm going to read abit after this.

they just don't get it...

2009-09-09T13:59:00.000+08:00

When will people understand that people never do things because they are are forced to do them. Yes, I'm indirectly talking about where I am right now.

Sure they will always say that it's for your own good. That it is important because it would prepare us for the future to come. But really? Does it? when you are forced to do so much more. So much more that do not seem to tie into anything related to what we are going to do.

It was like differentiation in amath. Where does that lead to in life? Did learning differentiation make me a better person? Prepared me for a better future?

I cannot believe that I'm already disillusioned. They just don't get it with their tight fist squeezing tighter around my seemingly strangled life.

art...

2009-08-31T22:58:00.000+08:00

Who decides what is art and what isn't?

Who decides how much each piece of "art" cost?

Today, I visited the art gallery at ION. And half the stuff seem like stuff any 5 year old could conjure up.

And each piece cost thousands of dollars.

I don't mind being the person who says how much each piece cost though.

why?

2009-08-28T12:25:00.000+08:00

I always wonder why so many popstars still want to preform in Mala*ysia even though the Mal*aysian government often curbs them. And more often then not, there are civil groups that rally against the promotion of unhealthy habits that the popstars may iconised.

terrorist...

2009-08-23T18:54:00.000+08:00

Do I look like a terrorist? Can it be that going to NIE gives me a I'm-going-for-a-killing look. I was stopped at Clementi MRT station on Friday afternoon for a security check.

At least it might mean they do conduct random checks.

lost childhood...

2009-08-19T23:23:00.000+08:00

I was listening to a podcast by Jo*e August*ine and this other woman that I cannot remember. Anyway, I think I'm losing my childhood. On the podcast, they were re-enacting a knock knock joke.

Jo*e said, "knock knock."

Woman, "who's there?"

J*oe, "Rude, obnoxious old cow."

Then the woman didn't reply. Jo*e was obviously waiting for her to say the next line. But it just didn't come. Initially, I didn't think anything was wrong. In fact, not until Jo*e asked why she didn't continue did I realise that she was suppose to say the prescribed next line. If you don't know, it is supposed to be "Rude, obnoxious old cow who?" But at that point of time, I couldn't come up with the next line. I was thinking. Thinking hard.

Yea, either I'm losing my childhood, or I'm losing my memory.

cynical...

2009-08-11T23:14:00.000+08:00

Am I cynical? I think I might be.

I have stopped believing in the efforts of people of good intentions.

the first drop...

2009-08-11T11:58:00.000+08:00

I dropped the iPod. It survived a 70 cm drop. It fell on the fifth day. haha. At least it survived.

omen...

2009-08-10T22:49:00.000+08:00

It has been quite a long time since I've blogged about one of my weird dreams, so I guess it's about time.

In this dream, I dreamt I quit BB. I quit because I couldn't control the bunch of boys in a class. I don't particularly remember what the class was about. Don't remember any of the boys in the dream in particular either. If you ask if they were even BB boys, I can't say for sure.

Is this an omen?

I sure hope not.

death...

2009-08-09T22:13:00.001+08:00

No parent should have to bury their child.

As a person in my prime, I cannot claim to ponder about death often. Honestly, it's probably the last thing on the minds of people my age. But recent events have triggered a momentary detour down life's journey into death avenue.

Life is frail. It is the same frailty that makes life valuable. I mean if everyone were tough as superman, life would be pretty meaningless. You could commit any number of reckless activities in a day without having to fret if it might be the last one you do. Then life itself would be pretty meaningless. There's no need to worry that it might be the last time you see your loved ones.

The destination of a trip is not as important as the people that take the journey with you. The place might take 2 hours to reach, and after reaching the place, you find that it's a huge disappointment. But if you go there with people whom you actually like, it doesn't really matter. The people make the trip enjoyable. The destination just gives everyone a good reason to meet and go. And being Singaporeans, the trip give us all an excuse to complain about a common topic.

It's the same with life. If your life is populated with people whom you enjoy spending time with, you could be the poorest person in the world and still find life fulfilling.

Even Superman only found life meaningful when Lois was around.

spot it?

2009-07-30T00:44:00.002+08:00

Can you see what the problems are with the 2 pictures below?

First Picture: I think the restaurant takes it's food so seriously, that only the Kai-Lan that can provide no more benefits to the company is cooked.

Second Picture: This restaurant is very transparent. It is so transparent that the saucer they use actually states that it is made of melamine.

blogger...

2009-07-28T17:16:00.001+08:00

There seems to be something wrong with blogger... the formatting, the buttons...

testing my patience...

haaha

emo...

2009-07-19T21:27:00.003+08:00

I am not the emo one. But something that B*en said when he was emo-ing that stuck me as particularly interesting. I mean these are the things that philosophers spend their lives wondering about, not the thoughts that mere mortals such as us ponder about.

Be*n asked why we always think that love smells like roses, or anything else that smells good. Why can't love smell like farts?

Most of the time, it would just be dismissed as another emo moment, but then again, it was too interesting, emo-tionally. Why do we all accept that love smells good? I mean it's probably because it's associated with something good, hence, nice smell. But what if a person associates goodness with smelliness? Would this person then describe his love smelling like farts?

I realised that there have been a couple of post recently about love and smelling bad. haha

ese...

2009-07-17T15:42:00.002+08:00

ESE is ending. The third week just ended. It has really been quite a good experience. Marking like nobody's business right now. Haha. All our CTs show us love in different ways, mine showers me with presents to mark.

I aspire to be like my CT, I think she is way cool, and way funny. haha.

One more week to go. I will miss NT.

coasting on my talents...

2009-07-16T21:48:00.003+08:00

I think I'm coasting on my talents. That's something that I've learnt doing the new book in bible study. The book's called "a resilient life". So what the book's saying is that we shouldn't shortchange ourselves by just doing the things that we find come to us so naturally.

Today, I had bible study with the year one primers. Nothing wrong with that. I prepared as much as I could for it. Nothing wrong with that either. But I realised that I hadn't really put much thought into how the points can apply to their life as a primer or questions that help them probe their own lives. But then again, I don't think I'm very good that coming up with questions such as these. Especially, when I don't actually deliver the thing I've prepared.

So, at bible study today, I fielded questions that I thought up while delivering bible study. AND yes, I made it look natural, prepared. BUT, I think I might be shortchanging the primers. If I had put in more thought, perhaps better questions might have been asked. The point that related to being a better primer was thought up beforehand though.

Yes. I think i should put more thought into the questions that I ask in bible study.

seoul garden...

2009-07-08T10:17:00.001+08:00

Why is Seoul Garden called Seoul Garden? Have you ever wondered about that? I have been wondering since I had some Seoul Garden on Monday.

Firstly, why Seoul Garden? Is it really from Seoul? I think it is, they have a lot of barbecued stuff over there. Every time I watch something about South Korea food, they seem to be barbecuing. Every time.

But what’s with the garden? Hardly anyone goes there to eat something found in a garden. I’m referring to vegetables, not worms. Most people go to eat meat, lots of meat. I’m not saying that there is nothing else to eat, but really when you go to Seoul Garden, you eat meat. So maybe the name should have been Seoul Meat Farm. The name should reflect the kind of stuff they sell.

Then maybe since it was started by real South Koreans (like there are fake South Koreans), and they might have just learnt English and not have been great at it. So while they might have tried to indicate a connection to their home land, they might have tried to imply that the meat is so so good that it’s actually SOUL food. And Soul Garden seems to make more sense than Seoul Garden. A garden for the soul is so much better than a garden the size of Seoul. Imagine the number of gardeners you will have to employ.

So in the end, Seoul Garden might just as well be known as Soul Meat Farm. The place you go to enjoy lovely meat that would enrich your soul rather than enrich the pockets of Seoul.

graduated...

2009-07-08T00:26:00.000+08:00

Done graduating. Need I say more?

Now waiting for the hurricane of photographs to hit facebook.

onion of love...

2009-07-07T17:29:00.003+08:00

I read a poem about love today from one of the Lit teachers. In the poem, it compared love to an onion. While I had initially thought that an onion was a weird analogy, now that time has passed and thought has been put into motion, I'm going to suggest how love can be like an onion.

Firstly, love is like an onion because onions are layered. Like knowing a person, there are layers on the outside that protect the layers on the insides. Also like the layers of an onion, the outside layer may be dirty but inside, it is clean, protected.

Secondly, an onion is like love because it adds spice to life. As any cook can tell you, onions add flavour to a dish as any love relationship can add flavour to life.

Thirdly, both the onion and love contain life. A well taken care of onion and relationship will sprout into life.

Lastly, onions are like love as they make you cry. Like any relationship, it can make you cry, if you cannot shed tears over your relationship, then is there anything worth treasuring in the first place?

So these are the reasons why love is like onions.

youth day...

2009-07-06T21:43:00.004+08:00

So after six years of sulking because I'm not enjoying Youth Day at home, I'm finally not working on Youth Day today. Rocks to be a teacher I tell you. So since I didn't have to go work today, not that I really consider going to school working, I went to play badminton. Then went for Seoul Garden, and spent the rest of the day smelling like barbecued meat. I think I can still vaguely smell it... somehow...

Anyway, for reasons unknown, the blog seem to have been regulated to a sort of diary. I wonder where the more interesting stuff have gone.

sign of age...

2009-07-04T22:48:00.002+08:00

One of the signs of age is that I can no longer eat as much as I like and not feel bloated to the point of death.

haha...

Maybe it's a good thing.

excitement...

2009-06-28T22:30:00.003+08:00

It was quite a crazy 2 weeks. Started 2 weeks ago with army from Monday till Wednesday. Officer's planning retreat from Friday to Saturday. Saturday morning was a rush to MO*E to sign the teacher agreement, then back to the retreat. This week was NI*E admin week. Spent Monday, Wednesday to Friday at N*IE. Yesterday was Family Day, Sentosa. Then sent Jun*hao off at night. It was a crazy 2 weeks.

After a day resting, slept for about 2 hours, I feel better.

Actually, after finishing the proposal for HQ, I feel WAY better. Haha, I know some of them read this. But really, finishing the thing really freed up so time. I hope I can siam more things. Need to find something to increase my evasion skills.

Okie, tomorrow, school at New Tow*n starts. I'm excited. I had a talk with She*ow En about it today at lunch. I think he made a good point about how I should have tried to get into Fa*irfield. Each school is different. Even though New T*own might be a good experience, it would not help me in learning how to best teach in Fairfi*eld. But it's too late. I'm going tomorrow.

I hope I can blog about something good tomorrow.

tired...

2009-06-28T13:46:00.003+08:00

I'm tired. I think there are seriously way too many things going on. There's not enough time for everything. It has only been the first week of "work" and I'm wondering how I'm going to be able to do all these things. So I've been offloading things I can offload and dragging stuff that I cannot.

There's basically hasn't been enough alone time. I need some solitude.

spot the mistake...

2009-06-24T16:00:00.003+08:00

See if you can spot the mistake.

I was bored waiting in a post office and this was nearby.

Well, have you got an answer? If you picked the word "use", you're right!

It should in in past tense, "used".

why???

2009-06-24T15:58:00.001+08:00

I always wonder why some people buy their food before they have a place to sit to eat. Then they carry their tray and wander in a crowded food court hoping to get a seat.

Miracles don't happen everyday.

medics...

2009-06-17T22:45:00.002+08:00

Something happened today at army that quite disgusted me. I was watching another medic from another unit practice how to use the AED. It's an automated electronic defibrillator. It delivers an electric shock that helps correct irregular heartbeats.

I watched that guy helplessly answer all the questions wrongly and wondered how he ever passed his course. Which brings up the question of how 11 weeks of training can ever be enough to equip a medic to be responsible for the lives of so many men. While I cannot always say that I know everything there is to know, at least I know my basics. This guy was giving random answers hoping they were right. I was disgusted.

I'm so glad that this guy is not my medic. I would have had a heart attack knowing that my life was not in good hands. Maybe that's another reason they introduced the AED. But the, that's the catch-22, if the people who are suppose to use them don't know how, then what's the use of the equipment.

jumper...

2009-06-17T22:31:00.002+08:00

Due to a lack of time online from army, this is a backdated dream entry.

On Monday morning, I had a dream about a jumping man. More accurately, a man jumping.

If you have been in Fairfield before, you will know that the building that the auditorium is on the ground story of the 2 story Technical Block. Anyway, in this dream, we were having a BB camp. I cannot fathom why else we were there at night. I was walking out of the audit with Be*n, E*ric and J*oel. Outside in the parade square, we saw an Indian man waving frantically at us. We walked into the parade square and saw another Indian man standing on the ledge on the second story. We watched as the man on the second story jumped and the man in the parade square caught him in his arms.

sleepy...

2009-06-16T18:03:00.003+08:00

I'm tired. But I guess, I was asking for it.

Yesterday, went to fico. It was fun I guess. Supper after was just as entertaining, if not more. The 田蛙 congee was nice. Well, Ju*n sent B*en back first and I reached home at about 1ish. So tried to sleep and I couldn't. I wasn't too sure when I fell asleep, probably near 3, but I think I was lying there was quite long. Woke up at 6. Went to army. Was quite hard to stay awake while they went through stuff that was "repeatative".

I feel sleepy.

clousure...

2009-06-12T21:33:00.002+08:00

FINALLY, after 1 email, 3 phone calls and 3 weeks of waiting, the parcel is here.

I'm happy. More relieved actually. Life is back on track. woot!

Anyway, I spent dinner with one Wen*jie and Nat today. I feel compelled to blog down some of parts of the conversations that we had.

Nat: There is a ton of holiday homework lah! Actually, it's more like a thousand of tons of homework. What's a thousand tons?
WJ: That's a kiloton. Wah megaton. Megatron.
Me: A Megatron is a tron multiplied by 10 to the power of 6.

We were talking about how kids usually answer parents with: hmm, arh, ya. So we concluded that parents shouldn't ask kids yes-no questions. Then the children will be forced to talk.

phobia...

2009-06-11T01:03:00.004+08:00

Today, my conversation is peppered with results of Facebook quizzes.

So I've decided to write abit on a result of a Facebook quiz I took recently. This quiz I took gauges what I hide from people. And the answer is sensitivity. According to the quiz, I very concerned with how people perceive me. To a certain extent, I guess that's true.

Anyway, while I might be concerned with how people perceive me, I think I have a phobia is rejection. Haha, it might stem from being overly concerned with how people perceive me.

I just realised that over dinner, Debb*ie said she has a fear of all types of animals. Although, if it makes her feel any better, I know of many people who are shun animals.

would you?

2009-06-10T00:25:00.003+08:00

A friend asked me what I thought of her plans to quit her job so that she can start a travel-blog. Travel full time being supported by her blog.

One of the things that we talked about included the idea of moving out. In a westernised country, children are expected to move out when they go on college (what we call university). But in our asian culture, children can stay with their parent's till they get married. if you get married at 45 you move out at 45. So if you are not planning to get married, let's just say you better have a good relationship with your parents. There is this thing with how parents tend to be overprotective with their children.

I was rereading Angels and Demons today and there was a portion that explained how God could be both omnipotent and benevolent at the same time. If God were both omnipotent and benevolent, then how could he allow anything bad to happen to us? The book actually provides a good explanation. Take for example a parent and a child. If the child were to ask to skateboard, would the parent say no? More likely, the parent would warn the child of certain dangers but still allow the child to skateboard. The child may fall but that's part of learning.

What's the point of this story? Parents bringing up their children in the western hemisphere, will more likely say go ahead, if you fall, I hope you learn something. Parents in the eastern hemisphere will probably say no, I know better and if you still do it and fall, don't come crying to me.

How does the point then connect to this entry? We need to encourage a better learning environment. The question of dropping everything and doing something as unorthodox as this is frowned upon. But the point is, many people want to, but probably find a reason not to. The biggest question is for parents, (whom I don't think many read this blog) is your love limiting or supporting your child?

qt...

2009-06-09T00:17:00.002+08:00

I haven't been doing QT recently. Maybe that's a reason why I'm not entirely sure why life seems to be falling apart. Falling apart = NIE not getting back to me, not knowing if I'm actually entering into this NIE cohort.

So I decided to do QT. I just did it. Anyway, I'm doing this daily devotional by John Piper. Over the semester, I've been doing it quite regularly, but since exams started and semester ended. I haven't really read it. And usually, not usually, all the time when I use to read the devotional, there always seems to be something in the devotional that would speak to me. I don't do the book everyday, so yea, when I do it, it speaks to me.

However, when I did it just now, I felt lost. I can't see how this applies to me, how it applies to my life right now, how it puts my life into perspective. I think one of the things that I'm most afraid of is not being able to comprehen. It was talking about yuppies being yucky missionaries.

I'm lost.

I think I need to get back into the groove. Maybe then, I'll be able to understand the direction that my life has taken. 2 months ago, I said I couldn't understand why God would have me write an article on looking for a job in this current time. I was accepted into NIE. I was set. Now, I'm not so sure. Maybe the article was in preparation for this fiasco.

I need to read Jeremiah 29:11.

signs...

2009-06-08T11:26:00.003+08:00

I wonder if yesterday night's dream had any subtle message. Of course not every dream has a message underneath. Considering where I am right now in my life, I would say that the dream was pretty random and probably meaningless.

I dreamt that all the EL majors had failed one module and everyone was deciding which module to take next semester. Creepy.

cranky...

2009-06-07T23:11:00.003+08:00

Am I cranky? Maybe. If there was a Facebook quiz that measured my level of crankiness, I'd say that I'm 40-50% cranky. That's a good gauge. At least I think so. Some people obviously don't. A certain certain somebody thinks I sound cranky too often. Fortunately, I don't have to care too much about what this certain certain someone thinks. So for this person I give a, "Whatever!". As I found out in another Facebook quiz, I hide my insecurities by dismissing them with a healthy helping of the word, "Whatever."

Anyway, back to the point at hand. I'm not cranky. At least I hardly would believe that. Maybe it's a side effect of being too nice to people that need to be nice to. And the people I'm more comfortable with ends up with a whole lot of cranky. I mean I try to be nice to everyone, BUT, that's hardly a realistic expectation. Only human.

I was mean the other day to a friend. It wasn't the sarcastic, subtle, you've-got-to-read-in-between-the-lines kind of mean, it was an all-out-overt mean. Well, it was funny so we had a good laugh. But she did say something that got me thinking. Was I naturally nice pretending to be mean (at that moment), or was I naturally mean pretending to be nice (all the time)?

I like to think it's the former. If it were the latter, it would be really tiring just hanging around people. Pretending to be nice, ALL THE TIME. That's a whole lot of pretending. If I could do that, I'm so moving to Hollywood. Okie, I'm digressing.

I'm trying to be less sarcastic. I'm trying.

a test...

2009-06-05T17:26:00.002+08:00

I am beginning to wonder if MOE's lack of action is a test. A subtle test to see how badly I want to become a teacher.

Honestly, they are testing my patience. After the call on Monday, they haven't done anything. So today I called again. I asked how long does these things usually take. I got the answer of 3 working days. I also asked what other actions can I take if I don't receive any response after the 3 days. The lady replied that I can call them again. While I understand that all government agency take time to respond and there are usually a standard procedure to take, this seem to be taken to a new extreme.

I will wait till next Wednesday. I hope I don't have to call them anymore.

camp...

2009-06-03T22:38:00.001+08:00

I'm back from camp and I definitely feel better. Camp was fun. Reminded me why I do the things I do.

camp...

2009-06-01T11:11:00.001+08:00

It's camp again.

Half of me feels like I'll enjoy it. The other half feels too old.

At least it's going to peel me away from facebook.

3 days will pass in a jiffy.

get me a blanket...

2009-05-29T20:39:00.002+08:00

If only problems can be solved by crawling underneath a blanket. I would be snugly curled up underneath at least 4 blankets. Maybe 6 for good measure.

Results came back today. Disappointing. And that would be an understatement. 3rd class it is. Grades remind me of years gone by, when non-A grades dominate. Maybe it's a reminder that as a teacher I should remember that grades aren't everything. Not the be all and end all. Grades are not the best gauge of a student. Far from it.

Still giving thanks for the results is far from easy. Not when I know that I could have done so much better. How do you give thanks when you cannot truthfully be thankful for what is given?

On another note, please don't force me to do what I don't want. Especially when I tell you I don't want to do it. Is it so hard not to impose your damn actions on others?

This is written with a my insides twisted up in a contorted mess.

concerned...

2009-05-27T22:53:00.001+08:00

I am very concerned.

MOE has not sent me anything. Everyone else has received stuff. I hope they haven't forgotten about me. Please don't forget about me.

grey's anatomy...

2009-05-27T16:00:00.001+08:00

I finally finished grey's anatomy. Woah, too many people died. Cannot wait for season 6.

cynical...

2009-05-25T17:16:00.003+08:00

Last week, I was labeled cynical. Yesterday, during sermon, I wonder if I really am.

The guest preacher related a story about how his brother experienced God lying on a bed, unable to move or talk. I wondered if it could be true. If I could believe it. I wondered if I didn't believe if I was just cynical or if I was just harder to convince.

idols...

2009-05-22T15:07:00.002+08:00

Another American Idol is crowned - Kris Allen. I spelt it correctly I hope. I wonder if he only won because everyone thought that Adam was going to win. I wonder if Kris is going to be another Idol on his way into the annuals of obscurity.

Look at so many before him. Sometimes not wining doesn't end a career. It merely lets you start earlier.

social responsibility...

2009-05-19T13:54:00.002+08:00

I was left wondering about the social responsibility of Singaporeans when I read about this case of molest reported in the papers last week. It was reported that this lady who was molested on the MRT, tried to get passengers around her to help detain her molester. But no one came forward to help. Mind you, it wasn't an unearthly hour where no one was around. It was peak hour.

I was left wondering if I would have went up to help her.

Yesterday night, on the way home from Primers' Council, there was a slight incident on the bus. There was this Chinese lady and this "older" Caucasian man. They were obviously arguing. While no fist-fight ensued, the man smelt like one beer too many, you never would have predicted what would happened. The weirdest thing was, the bus was relatively packed, when the man raised his voice, the rest of the bus raised their volume to drown him out. Half of me was mildly amused. It was like they were trying to cover up the ongoing argument.

Back to the point, if ever the man had hit the lady, would I have stood up to stop it? I must admit that I have witnessed many a case of people infringing on other people's rights. I could have stopped them, but it seems my own convenience overwrote the social responsibility that should have been upheld.

I wonder if I would have gone up to help her.

angles and demons...

2009-05-16T22:08:00.002+08:00

I watched Angels and Demons yesterday. It wasn't that bad. It might be because I cannot remember what exactly happened in the book. it's been a long time. So I'm going to reread it when I get it back tomorrow.

If you hadn't read the book, go watch it. There's enough action to keep the movie going at a good pace and the twist in the end is typical Dan Brown. Yea, it means the twist is good.

fly areoplane...

2009-05-16T12:14:00.002+08:00

Nine is too early,
Especially on a Sat,
To have your plane flown.

I've decided to express myself in a haiku.

I took about 5 minutes to come up with this, I'm quite impressed. Haha.

I think very few people will know the the exigence for this. Nothing too bad. Just lost sleep and a further reinforcement of the bad impression that I have of some people.

sleepless...

2009-05-15T01:20:00.003+08:00

It's not often that I'm unable to sleep. In fact, I cannot really remember when this has actually happened. So this explains the entry at 1ish in the morning.

I wonder if I'm unable to sleep because thoughts keep running through my head. I recall a recent peanuts strip that has Charl*ie Brown telling his sister who cannot sleep that what he does is to just lie there and worry. Sally goes back lie down but instead of worrying of stuff happening to herself, she worries about things that might happen to Charl*ie. She comes back, tells Charl*ie all her worries and this causes Charl*ie to be unable to sleep.

I wonder if I'm unable to sleep because I have thoughts running through my head or I run thoughts through my head because I'm unable to sleep. I've been lying there for about an hour. There are other things to do I guess.

cannot string words together...

2009-05-12T15:48:00.003+08:00

The government should be happy. I cannot string a proper string of words together in hokkien. Today, an old man approached me to ask if I could read a banner declaring that the government run kindergarten was registering. That I could do in my broken hokkien. However, when he asked if it was for next year or the year after, I found it beyond my vocabulary to try to explain that there were different levels available which explains why they were registering kids born from 2004 to 2007. I could understand him, but I could hardly convey to him what I wanted to say. I tried Mandarin, but all he replied was that the banner did not explain that. It was frustrating to say the least. Embarrassing at most to say that I've lost my roots.

When I told mom this, she said that we use to be able to converse in hokkien and teochew. And if dad had been willing to teach his second language, I be able to speak Malay too. My mom said that by speaking to us in English, she improved her English as well. I guess knowing how to speak a language doesn't prove that I'm well-rooted in my culture or roots. Or that not being able to speak these languages makes me less than what I am today. But imagine, I could have been able to converse well in all these languages. Knowing them would have made reaching out to people so much easier.

holidays...

2009-05-11T19:34:00.001+08:00

I need to find something cathartic to do.

It's got to be meaningful too I guess.

Freedom till the 22 June.

presents...

2009-05-10T13:53:00.003+08:00

Haha, another birthday present. A bowl. I don't know why they got me a bowl but here it is. But I appreciate it. Timbre was fun.

This bowl is made in France. Haha. So why are the following instructions all in Japanese?

Something interesting happened while I was on the way home. This Japanese man alighted at the Holland bus stop that and approached me asking if either 75 or 61 had passed. Since I was waiting for either buses and I was clearly still at the bus stop, I told him no. I think he was worried that he might have missed the last bus. But soon after, a 165 arrived and he boarded it.

It left me thinking why he had asked me for buses that he wasn't going to take. so weird.

end of a saga...

2009-05-03T17:10:00.003+08:00

Are you aware that the Aware saga is over? If you haven't, honestly, WHERE have you been? I probably need to go there. Exams hasn't ended

In a total dramatic turn of events, after a month, the old exco has managed to reclaim what they have lost. This sounds so much better than: the new exco has been usurped. Too much drama.

Well, at least it turned out to be a good thing. Aware probably got more publicity from this than they could ever hope for. And membership rose by 1000%.

First of all, Aware is a secular group. They can believe that batting for the other team is a perfectly fine lifestyle choice. It's not as if Aware has any allegiance to any one religion which overtly states that this is wrong/forbidden/condemnable. They are free to raise/support/perpetuate any view they decide would best help themselves. Any one group that feels otherwise that decides to infiltrate and oust the current leadership in hope of change should know that this is not acceptable behavior. Over the past month, it was been clearly demonstrated.

Perhaps this may be a clearer example. Perhaps one day, a random person feels that The Boys' Brigade, a Christian organisation, has lost it's foremost aim of benefiting Boys with it's activities. This person gathers support and comes in, and oust the current leadership and claims the organisation. This random person happens not to be a Christian and uses his own religion's teachings to set up the new constitution.

Is this fine? If you accepted what the recently oust exco's stand that the old Aware had lost its focus and they are the new direction that the organisation needs, then you should think what I just described to be perfectly fine. But I bet that most people would disagree, that what I've just described is totally unacceptable.

Just as we (Christians) don't expect people of other religions to hijack a Christian organisation, we shouldn't orchestrate a hostile takeover of a secular organisation. All because of differing beliefs. I often wonder what the reaction of well meaning Christians should be. But too often, I'm sad to say that good intentions are only truly good if the means to achieve have been thoughtfully considered and carried out.

Again, take the Aware saga, $90k in a month. Good intentions without any seemingly rational thought.

laggard...

2009-05-03T17:06:00.002+08:00

Do you know what a laggard is? Well that's someone who doesn't use the latest technology in their lives. And according to a certain reporter friend, I'm one. Because I don't twitter.

Well, I don't twitter. Many people don't even want to have anything to do with faceb*ook. What's wrong with not twittering? I don't see the need to constantly update the world with my personal opinion.

So, I'm a laggard. Big whoop.

birthday...

2009-05-02T21:54:00.004+08:00

Celebrating my birthday has never been an important part of my life. It's probably due to the fact that my own family's not really big on celebrating. A meal will probably be the most we'll do, typical conservative Chinese family I guess.

Well, thanks to Fa*cebook, it seems alot more people know about the birthday this year. I want to believe that without Faceb*ook, many of you would still remember. So thanks to the many many people who said happy birthday. And it's still happening occasionally today. Don't need to apologize, I appreciate it anyway.

I got a present form SQ, and as promised, I'm blogging about it. Well, first of all, SQ doesn't give presents to anyone, only really special people and girls. Since I'm not a girl, I know I'm a really special person. Here is a picture of the present.

It's a V for Vendetta comic. Yea, the comic that the movie was based on. I loved the movie by the way. Yes, after reading the book, I'll probably think the book is way better. I don't really read comics. And technically, this is a graphic novel. But I'm quite excited, I mean, graphic novels touch on many things that are considered taboo. Look at Watchmen.

So thanks to all those who said happy birthday and for those who gave presents. Gratitude is immortalized on this blog.